I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
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