Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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