Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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