So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Randomize
