Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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