He is an equal opportunity slut.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
