Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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