I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
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he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
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Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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