So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Randomize
