there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
