Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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