A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
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i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
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We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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