Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
