I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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