Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I fill condoms, not promises.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
