How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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