the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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