It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
