Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Randomize
