I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
