Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
