Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
