We're like a lot better than the average bears
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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