why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Let's get the cat blown out
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
