wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i just google imaged poop.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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