I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming