Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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