the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
