you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
