making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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