so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
