Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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