how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
