dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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