I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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