me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
All I want is dick and wine.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
