hotel room ftw
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
