Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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