Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
