Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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