i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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