I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
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