Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
did you just send me my own nude
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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