and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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