when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
