There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
