I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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