Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
