Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize