Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
