in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
