when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
