Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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