are you still at the devil's house?
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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