She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
