My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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