my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
