still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
me + whiskey = a bad person
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
