The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
