Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
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I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
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The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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