how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
