oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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