So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Slut skills are useful in every country.
i dont even know how to be here
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Randomize
