...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
