Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
