if you like me you must not know who I am
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
